Everyone
has an opinion about how kids should act. We were once told by some neighbors
“Your family is very loud.”
Yeah,
we know. This is what we signed up for. Having a house full of yelling and
laughter and broken lamps and surfaces that are always sticky – we had a pretty
good idea what we were in for when we stopped having sex for fun and did
it, you know, on purpose.
Now
that our kids are 5 and 2, there’s almost a competition to see who is most like
which parent. “I was exactly like him at that age” is like the Morgan family
slogan. Turns out they’re just like both of us with their own personalities
thrown in. We checked. The grandparents agree.
It’s
liberating in a way. Realizing that my personality wasn’t formed by any one
experience.
But
there have been times…when I am around other kids and I start to see things.
And I find myself saying “I was just like that when I was her age.”
The
trouble is that when I was ‘that age’ there were some horrific things happening
to me. I had a lot of the signs of a kid who was being sexually abused, but
nobody around me knew what to look for.
Would
you know what to look for?
When
you are a survivor yourself, it gets complicated.
Survivors
tend to doubt their own instincts and let’s face it, who wants to be the person
who talks about child sexual abuse? I mean seriously. Are you thinking about
baby penises and tiny vaginas? You must be if you suspect a kid is being
sexually abused right? What kind of person would even think such things?
Here's
the catch though. We are not the ones perpetrating violence on children. Maybe
you can’t even put it into words but sometimes you just know there’s something
wrong in a kid’s life. Whether they seem like they don’t know who to trust or
it’s something more obvious like they are masturbating in public or talking
about how sexy their boyfriend is and they haven’t turned 7 yet.
There
are signs of abuse that experts agree on. There are behavioral changes that
occur.
You
can do a google search and find out for yourself. Alone. In front of your
computer. And then you can beat yourself up for thinking of reporting an awful
hunch you have. What if you are wrong?
So
while you stew about that question and live through flashbacks of your own trauma, some kid is
wondering why nobody will speak up for him.
What if someone had spoken up for
you?
Survivors
carry the consequences of child sexual abuse with them for a lifetime. They are
also highly equipped to pick out a creep even in a crowded room. We simply need
to learn how to trust our own instincts and value our own judgement.
As
a survivor, my biggest question is always “how would a normal person act in
this situation?” That’s the biggest gift this class gave me.
I
was able to sit with other concerned, caring adults who want to stop child
sexual abuse from happening.
This
isn’t just a plug for my Stewards of Children workshops. They are available all
across the country and across Canada too.
I found out about the class from my
friend Bev who teaches it back home in Newfoundland. She also organizes a walk
for survivors every year called Miles for Smiles. Isn't it amazing what survivors
can do when we come out of the shadows and share our stories and work together
to stop child sexual abuse?
If
you are a concerned adult and want to know how to prevent, recognize and react
responsibly to child sexual abuse, click here for a list of classes or to register. Share this post with that friend who happened to
come to mind as you were reading it. You already know why.
Send us a picture when YOU take the training. We'd love to hear from you.
